Toxic People

At a recent retreat for ministers and spouses, a guest speaker pointed out that there are some people who embrace conflict. He said they look for opportunities to be confrontational. They do not enter into a "discussion" with any intent or possibility of changing their mind. They thrive on strife. They are toxic. Our speaker pointed out that we should avoid them. 

I am not one of those people. At least I do not feed on the negativity of conflict. But in a group of over 8,000 messengers here at the 2022 Annual Meeting of the Southern Baptist Convention, there are bound to be some of them present. Whether shouting from the back of the hall or demanding to be heard at the microphone, they make their presence known. I suppose it is easy for them to find a target at any given time since we are a convention of flawed people and a gathering with various opinions.

But it discourages me every single time. There is a characteristic about them that distinguishes them from others who, for any number of reasons, may be in disagreement with something or have a "bone to pick." I think that difference is discerned by the tangible presence or absence of the Holy Spirit.

2 Corinthians 3:17 (ESV) says, "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." Those poor folks are prisoners of their hunger for conflict. They—their rantings—also instantly become the focus of everything. Psalm 113:2-3 (ESV) says, "Blessed be the name of the Lord from this time forth and forevermore! From the rising of the sun to its setting, the name of the Lord is to be praised!" I am certain that they would insist they are glorifying God because they are exposing hypocrisy or are on some other noble quest, but the presence of His Spirit is absence. In its place is disdain, self-righteousness, and arrogance. 

I find that, at least for myself, discernment comes quickly when I filter things through a certain passage. It is applicable to every situation, too, be it a church convention (and I use "church" as a building, place, institution, and those who exercise authority in and through it, i.e. kuriakos as opposed to the word Jesus used which was ekklesia meaning congregation, assembly, called out ones), politicians, or anything else. That passage is Galatians 5:22-24 (ESV): "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires." The fruit is to be understood in its entirety, not just one element at a time. It is a package that cannot be imitated and maintained for any appreciable length of time. Nevertheless, even though it enables me to quickly discern the force behind a person, it does not make it easy to listen to their rants.

Every time I am exposed to this type of person, it should drive me to pray, "God, may I spend less time and energy drawing attention to myself and use more of it to point others to You!" And I do hope to achieve that someday.